Helping Your Children Overcome Fear

Helping your children overcome fear can be a tough task. I am no expert on the area, but I would like to share some things that we have done that seemed to have worked pretty good. Fears come in many shapes and sizes. For example, some kids may be slightly intimidated by strangers, while others may be paralyzed by fear when it comes to meeting someone for the first time. Some kids may be scared to walk into a dark room, while others may be gripped by a level of fear that is off the charts when they find themselves in the dark.

Fear of heights, fear of water, fear of doctors, fear of being alone, you name it, children can be faced with them all. One of the most important things for us to remember as parents is that regardless of how ridiculous their fears may seem at times, they are real. If we want to help them overcome them, we must understand that, first and foremost. One of the worst things we can do with our children is to belittle them when we see some type of fear manifesting in them.

When you see some fear in them, take time out and talk them through it. Help them face that fear and walk it out with them. Several years ago while we were on vacation, for some reason, my son was scared to get into a swimming pool. He had never been fond of swimming, but for some reason this time he was terrified. It made no sense. He had been swimming before, but on this day he was paralyzed by fear. I came to the edge of the pool and began talking him through it. It took a long time, but I remained patient with him and he finally got in the pool. I don't know why he was scared and neither did he. He just was. We took it slow, and I just explained to him that we all have fear from time to time and that in order to beat it, we have to face it. I told him about my fear of showing off my 200 and none of your business pounds to the world, but was not going to let that keep me from going swimming with him. I explained to him that a brave and courageous boy wasn't someone without fear, just someone who refused to let fear rule over him. It was someone who was determined to face their fears and overcome them. Oh yeah, I also had to throw into the equation that fear comes from our enemy the devil and in order to beat him up he was going to have to get in the pool. All I know is it worked. He got in the pool and for the rest of the vacation he wanted to go swimming every day.

I'm not sure how all fears develop in our children but some things are a given. Certain television shows and movies can give birth to fear in our children. Pay attention to what your children are watching. Sometimes, we help facilitate fears in them by how we treat them. For example, constantly saying things like, "be careful," and "you're going to get hurt" can impart fear in our children. I'm not saying never to say things like that, I'm just saying be careful that you don't go overboard with it. Some fears are passed down from us to our children. More times than not, when this happens the fears seem much more elevated in our children than ourselves. Determine to overcome your fears so they aren't passed on to your children. Then, there are those fears that just seem to pop up from nowhere. Those that just make no sense. I believe our enemy the devil needs no assistance from us, television, or anything else to slap our children with a heavy load of fear. He's the author of all of it. Bathing our children with prayer and the Word of God will do wonders in helping them to overcome fear.

Become Your Child's Number One Fan

While growing up, I was involved in lots of different sports. In high school, my interests began to swing toward music, and I got involved in band. Regardless of what I found myself involved in, I could rest assured my parents were behind me 100%. I honestly can not remember one event in my life when I looked over to the sidelines and didn't see my parents there rooting me on. There were occasions when both might not be able to make it but at least one of them was always there. And, more times than not, both of them were there screaming and hollering like I was playing in the Super Bowl or something.

They have always been my biggest fans. Their enthusiasm was never a result of how great I was or how good I performed. They cheered me on the same if I had a rotten game or a great game. They weren't fickle fans who were on the bandwagon when things were good and off when things were lousy. They were true, die hard fans.

Your child, like every other child, needs fans. They need parents who are on the sidelines rooting for them. Whatever it is that they throw themselves into, they need to know that you'll be cheering them on and encouraging them every step of the way. Maybe it's not athletics, but I guarantee you that there is something that your child will excel in. Maybe they lean toward art or music. Perhaps, they really excel in academics. Maybe its photography, drama, poetry, or prose. Whatever it is, they need to know that Mom and Dad see that gift and that interest as valuable as any other.

When I was young I never understood why some kid's parents where never there on the sidelines. And, at age 46, I still can not understand it. I served in youth ministry for over 15 years, and during that time I saw countless numbers of teens who had so much in them that was buried so deep inside of them because no one recognized the treasure and helped them release it. I made it point to look for that treasure in all of them and then create a venue to help them step into that gifting.

It really takes two very easy steps. Recognize what it is your children are gifted at and then determine to be their biggest fan. Talk to them about it, encourage them in it, and if their gifts place them at a venue where there is a sidelines or auditorium, make sure you're there cheering them on. Trust me, they'll be looking for you.

Father Beware! The Little Ones Are Watching

It never ceases to amaze me how much my children imitate what I say, how I act, and what I do. If Daddy is mowing the lawn, he wants to be right behind me with his plastic lawn mower. If I'm playing my guitar, he has to run and get his. If I'm washing the car, there he is holding the hose and playing in the bubbles. Of course, things like that bring joy to my heart.

Unfortunately, there are also negative things in my life, that my sons are so quick to pick up on. Whether we like it or not, Dads, our little ones are watching us closely and it is a natural thing for them to imitate what they see in us. Not only is it a natural thing, imitating us is what they were created to do.

Scripture tells us in Proverbs 23:26:
"My son, pay close attention, and gladly follow my example." (CEV)
Perhaps you've heard the statement before that "more is caught, than taught." It is so true, that our children will imitate our actions more than they will listen to what we have to say. That is especially true when our actions do not line up with what we say. We, as fathers, have to be willing to step up to the plate and purpose in our hearts to become a Godly example for our children.

I'm not talking about going to church, paying our tithe, or helping out in children's church. Those are all great, but I'm talking about every day life here. Your children are watching to see how you act when pressure is applied to your life. They are watching your character. How do you react when you're a little short in your finances at the end of the month? How do you act when your internet service provider makes a mistake and suspends your dsl service? (I failed that test this week). What do you do when someone offends you? What do you do when you know you've offended someone else?

These are all tests of our character and your children are watching you closer than you think. I had a wake up call several years ago, that showed me just how close my then three and half year old watched me. For three days straight, he threw the biggest fits. Although he is prone to temper tantrums on occasion, this was beyond anything he had ever done. Each day, I would take him aside, talk to him about it and discipline him. On day three of this, I sit him on my lap and just began to talk to him. I asked him what was wrong and why he was so upset. His response floored me. "I'm just frustrated Dad." I asked him what he was frustrated about and he responded, "I'm frustrated about everything."

Now, I would like to claim that he got that from some movie he had watched recently, but the fact is, I was looking at a mirror image of myself. Those are words that he learned from yours truly. I have to admit, that is not the kind of example I want to set for my children. I want them to see their Dad able to maintain peace in the midst of a storm. I want them to see him maintain a spirit of calm, when things around him don't go as planned. How about you? Do you want them to see the fruit of the spirit pouring out of you regardless of what's going on around you?

Paul said in scripture, "follow me as I follow Christ." It is an awesome and powerful thing for a Dad to be able to look his son or daughter in the eye and say follow my example as I follow Christ. I'm sure you've heard the statement, "Do as I say, not as I do." Let's determine to be men of God who live in such a way that we are not ashamed for our children to "do as we do."